05/07/2009

The Hip Hop Government Dream Team - Part 1

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By KNL

With Barack Obama taking over office, I’ve been meaning to do this for a long, long time. Now it’s here; the answer I’m sure you’ve all been looking for...what would happen if Hip Hop’s royalty decided to take the step for a Presidential race?! Well folks, here it is!


Department of State: Shawn Corey Carter

With previous experience in seeing Roc-A-Fella elevate to hip hop stardom, and a breif stint in the Def Jam hot seat; Shawn is not short of experience when it comes to leadership. He is just short of leading the campaign due to his knack of annoying certain sections of hip hop’s elite factions ensuring there is never enough support for him to take the higest throne. Positive attributes include a good relationship with important people both inside and outside the hip hop community, crossover appeal and an ability to fatten the party’s pockets through unlimited ventures. Controversies include the fact he is constantly accused of quoting a certain deceased central figure; and his ability to break strong ties with some of his strongest fans leaving some with the opinion that he should be kept at arm’s length only. Internal power stuggles between him and other members of the Cabinet have also increased jealousy among his rivals.


Department of the Treasury: Sean Combs

Sean Combs comes with not only a wealth of experience and important historical consensus thanks to his previous ties with Sir Wallace; he also comes with an ability to look after money better than most of his associates. Who better to look after the economy than one of hip hop’s richest? Known to be extravagant, close sources suggest that Mr Combs will strengthen the budget with some eyebrow raising commercial ventures. Often inviting some of the world’s elite to his famous parties, Sean Combs is reportedly in friendly competition with Secretary of State Carter; however recent popularity stakes have made him less electable and so he has to stick with running hip hop’s economy.


Department of Defense: Curtis Jackson

Young, fresh and relatively new to the game. Curtis’ ability to tie down enemies through good old American repression and threats of violence have made him famous as a force to be reckoned with. Surely rogue nations will think twice before launching those test nukes with Curtis calling the shots? His cocky attitude has had its moments of brilliance, but he is not shy of controversy and confrontation both in and out of the cabinet. He will surely smile for the cameras, and many outsiders may not know it, but in the back of Curtis’ mind is a surefire plan to oust Combs and Carter for the future big spot; watch this space.


Department of Justice: Russel Simmons

With a huge wealth of experience behind him, and one of the very beginners in hip hop’s world domination, Russel is now a famously inept peacemaker and a firm beleiver in honest and peaceful resolutions. His running of the justice department includes famously recruiting Curtis Jackson in his Yoga program to help calm his war starting instincts and hanging up leadership of a powerful venture only to find it slowly dying in the wake of competition. Famous for bringing Todd Smith into the hip hop’s elite, he has since lost his strong ties with many of his once close associates including Todd Smith and Clifford Smith.


Department of the Interior: DMC

Looking after the interior means looking after the indigenous people of hip hop, and who better than one of the freshest originals to grace our ears. DMC’s responsibilities include maintaining a healthy relationship with the original fans of hip hop and trying to make sure the hip hop ideology doesn’t exclude this endagoured minority; his strong relationships with much of the hip hop elite and an all-round respect put him on a plateu unmatched by his peers. Perhaps not feared, but he is definitely respected.


Department of Agriculture: Bubba Sparxxx

Rarely focussed on by the hip hop cabinet, the suprise appointment of Bubba Sparxxx was fuelled mostly by the fact there was not much competition for the job. Roles include ensuring hip hop’s appeal doesn’t escape the countryside and ensuring a healthy crop of future country-rap talent. His close ties with Timothy in the Cabinet mean he is often respected despite his humble and unconventional origins.


Department of Commerce: Pharrell Williams

Focussing on future growth of hip hop, Pharrell is constantly bringing a new sound and nurturing new talent to ensure the genre expands and grows as far as possible. With his respective group the Neptunes, we have witnessed not only 5-star quality but brilliant album releases designed to appeal to the masses. Whilst some purists disagree with the tactics, Williams is an integral piece of the puzzle; not only is he respected by Carter, Combs and Young, he’s also seen as a huge pinnacle in the music industry as a whole.

Part 2 coming soon...

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